There is a quote that you can find all over Instagram, and it’s
“Behind every successful man, there’s a woman”
Many successful men agree to this, and as a successful woman I believe you need a good man too. But then we have these suffering and unhappy women behind some successful men. They give up their dreams to support their man, they are eventually forgotten and less appreciated once they have the ring on their finger and are tied to their man. There are a bunch of movies I’ve seen lately that has made me realize this more and more. Let me give you some examples;
The walk is about a French wire walker who is simply obsessed with his dream. Early on in the movie he finds his woman. Throughout this movie, she is by his side all the time even though he barely seems to acknowledge her. He even at some point, accuses her for not believing in him, even though she gave up everything and went to the U.S. with him. Once he has achieved his dream, she eventually decides to leave and find her own dream. Yay to that woman!
The Theory of Everything
This is the movie about Stephan Hawking’s life, a normal young guy who during university finds out that he has a decease that will shorten his live to only 2 years. His girlfriend decides to marry him and take care of him. Despite what his doctors said, he lived longer than 2 years and still lives today. His wife spent so many years taking care of him and their children and in the movie it is clear how she started to feel less appreciated for all the work she did. She stayed 30 years going from a woman in love to an exhausted woman who felt no love from her husband anymore. She eventually divorced him and married a man who really desired to love her.
I have already mentioned Steve Jobs behavior in another blog post but I would like to use him as an example again. His first girlfriend who also gave birth to his first child, was a woman who seemed to stand by him when he started Apple and did almost nothing but work. The day she told him she was pregnant, he refused to take any responsibility whatsoever and would throw her out of his house. Not until several years he would allow his daughter to see him.
This movie is one of the most recent and is about the gangster brothers of London, the Krays. The first half of the movie is amusing with a lot of humor and loads of romance between Reggie Kray and his girlfriend. She stands by him even through some time in jail and defends him all the time. He treats her like a loving girlfriend should be treated until they get married. That’s when it all falls apart. The more full of himself and obsessed with his gangsterness he gets, the more he forgets to love and cherish his wife, who still stands by his side. It even ends with him beating her up and raping her. Even if this is the 60’s, she decides to leave. But it’s too late. Her life is nothing to her without him. For years she has built a life surrounding him and adapted her to him. Reggie Kray tries to get his wife back but she knows it’s not going to get better. Sadly, she takes the decision to end her life and not until then, he understand what he took for granted and lost.
Yes, I know that these are movies that may or may not cover the whole truth. Yes, I know this is not always the case for the wives of successful men. And yes, all these women made the decision to be with these men. They decided to give up their own lives to stand by their men. But it doesn’t always end well.
I’ve been close to giving up some of my dreams for someone I loved. And sometimes I feel like I do that still. Like I accept things even though I might not like it. I know that we women sometimes act out of love first. But we have to be careful on who we give it to.
So here I make the promise to myself to never ever give up my own individual life and my dreams for anyone. Never will I settle to just be someone’s wife. I promise though, to be a loving and committed partner to a man who respects and supports my dreams as much as I respect and support his. You should always give 100% love and support to your partner but when you notice that you get less than that over and over again, somethings need to change. Don’t be too nice. Don’t be too accepting. Don’t have too high or too low expectations on your relationship but TALK. I know it’s hard to find this balance, but one day you’ll find it.