The Intuition vs The Ego

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The intuition can be known as your soul’s voice, your gut feeling or your heart. When we tell people to listen to their hearts, it means listen to their intuition. The intuition is our inner GPS as my favorite book, “Drömliv”, calls it. It is our inner internet and carries so much knowledge and wisdom, much more than the ego does. The intuition is the voice of our soul. The soul is free from hate, evil and darkness. Your soul is pure. And it loves you. The soul wants the best for you. Whatever it says (what your intuition says), it’s for your own good. Actually it knows what your path looks like. It’s a GPS. It carries as much knowledge as the internet. It knows what you need right here and now to get where you are supposed to. It wants you to have long-term happiness.

The ego, however, is like a reckless driver. Turns and breaks and stomps the gas to gain temporary happiness. The ego is superficial, judgmental and greedy. It’s your ego’s voice who says “your legs look big in these jeans” and other self hating things. It’s not always hateful towards you, but has no idea what the right path is. Therefor, you should not trust it.

As my favorite book puts it; you should rather put your soul in the driver’s seat than the ego. The ego has no idea what road leads to true, long-term happiness. The soul, however, is the GPS which knows exactly where you’re going. It knows how to take smaller roads to save you from obstacles on the way. It wants the best for you, in a long term sense.

Your ego, mind and common sense are different from the intuition. But you can hear them all. How do you know what’s your intuition and what’s your ego? This is the hard part, but fully possible; you just have to practice. Your intuition is always there. But its sound can be blocked by over thinking, emotions and your ego. That is why it’s so important to spend some time alone. When you shut off the world and social media, you are more likely to hear it. Meditation will help you calm down emotionally and clear your head. Ask yourself repeatedly “do I want this?”, “What should I do?” etc. The answer is there. If you’re not sure, keep listening. If you experience a lot of struggle, obstacles and feel nothing but unhappy, it’s a sign that you’re going against the intuition. The intuition will get louder and louder until you do as it says. And then – weight will leave your shoulders, you’ll feel hope and love pouring from your soul.

Example 1 – The intuition knows the true you

My soul knows who I am. I am a girl who likes exclusivity in relationships. I’d rather have one partner than several men. I’d rather share my body with very few than many. That’s just me. Sexuality is a very interesting topic for me, but I prefer exploring it with one person who is special to me. Going in the opposite direction always makes me feel a bit empty and not myself. I admit, I have tried, and have come to the conclusion that being intimate with a person I like makes me happier than being intimate with someone who is just “hot” but means nothing more to me.

Example 2 – What happened this year when I ignored my intuition

This year, I have gone against my intuition a lot. I know that I heard it but I kept ignoring it. And as I described it, it got louder and louder. I got less and less happy. Suddenly, I found myself in a hole I had dug of unhappiness, emotional pain and anxiety. I met obstacle after obstacle. I’ve gone against my intuition in my career, in my relationships and my lifestyle. Finally I started to change certain things about my life. Slowly but surely, I’m getting my old happy self back and the love for life too. I am listening to my intuition as carefully as I can in order to build myself up again. Going against it taught me a lot and I will carry that lesson with me to the next chapter of my life.

Example 3 – What happened when I ignored my intuition a few years back

A few years ago I was in a relationship with a super sweet person. A dream boyfriend, really! He would do everything for me. He had so many qualities. He was one of the most romantic men I had ever met. When I was with him, I thought he was so sweet but I didn’t feel in love or very attracted. I still continued the relationship. Because he was a dream guy, right? I couldn’t be so stupid to give up on a guy like that! But I kept feeling like something was wrong. When I kissed him, it didn’t feel right. When I slept next to him, it didn’t feel right. I started to feel anxious. Why couldn’t I decide? To stay or to go? At one point, I even broke down in tears in school in front of my friends who didn’t understand what was happening. I kept going anyway. Until one day. I felt nothing anymore. I felt like I’d rather study at home than to spend time with him. I finally understood that he wasn’t MY dream boyfriend. He wasn’t right for ME. And if I kept going he would just get hurt. I ended it and – wow. I felt so liberated. The pressure in my chest disappeared. I kept listening to my intuition and I felt like in a flow every day. Positive things came up all the time – good grades, compliments from teachers, fun days with friends, cool opportunities, new exciting contacts… It was amazing to see it in practice.

Basically;

When your ego is in the driver’s seat you’ll experience happiness and joy in small doses. Your life is like a roller coaster. You’ll have rushes of joy just like you have coffee rushes and then it will drop just like the caffeine does after a while. The ego is a reckless driver, remember!

The intuition has a GPS and knows who you truly are and where you have to go. When the intuition is driving, you’ll experience a comfortable ride. You’ll feel this foundation of happiness within you. Whether you have achieved all your goals are not. You enjoy the process. You feel grateful. You love life. And as people love someone who spreads joy, you will attract more positive things in life. You’ll live in a constant flow.

It starts within. It’s not easy. That is why nourishing your relationship to your soul and inner peace is so powerful.

Good luck! ❤

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The Four Loves

I have for a long time believed in four different but all so important loves. One of my ultimate goals is to find them all, and life long ones. Have you found them yet? Let’s see;

Self-Love

Is self-love egoism? I’m not preaching a life run by your ego. I’m preaching about your soul. The true you. Loving yourself is being connected to your true you and to fully accept yourself. This is the foundation you need to have a positive life. You need to be truly grateful to your body who carries you, grateful for your senses that makes you able to smell, feel, see, hear and taste, grateful for your uniqueness and what makes you you. Embracing your areas of improvement and working on yourself on a regular basis. To not give yourself or your body hatred. When you are proud, caring and loving towards yourself – that’s when magical things happen!

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True friendships

Most of us live up until 80-90, and during this long life we meet an enormous amount of people. Only a small percentage will be true life long friends (unless you’re especially lucky). My advice to you is to put your focus on the friends that really care for you. Those who are with you through thick and thin. It’s important to think quality over quantity. I promise that three top quality friends are far better than ten superficial ones who won’t make much effort as friends when you really need one. Having at least a few, or maybe just one, true friendship will help you enjoy life to the fullest and you’ll also feel more comfortable being yourself.

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A loving family

Family are people who will hopefully stay by your side their whole life. Not everyone are born with a complete loving family. I am one of those kids who grew with one parent, no grandparents, no uncles, aunts or even siblings. I’m alright, but because I grew up like this my dream is to create my own little happy family and in time a big family for my children and their children to grow up in. Having a loving family to catch you when you fall, who gives you nothing but love and care no matter what is something we all deserve.

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A true life partner

This might be the hardest love to find of them all and sometimes you need to “kiss many frogs” before you find your true life partner. The science of love and partnership interests me very much. I don’t have the right formula on how to find this person or what makes someone a true life partner. I think we all have different truths depending on our experiences, preferences, ages, cultures etc. But I also think there are many common traits in happy long term relationships. Right now my theory is that a life partner is someone who is your best friend, that you feel a deep inexplicable connection to, someone you feel happiness with even when doing the daily chores, someone who shares your core values and has a similar vision as you.

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Do you agree with the four loves? Have you found them all? Which are you missing? If you’re missing some, it’s because you are yet to meet them 🙂 It’s all about belief.

The 5 Love Languages

A few years ago, I learned about the five love languages. I did a test to find out what mine were, and it really felt true to me at the time. I took the test again today, a few years later, and it has just changed slightly. First, let’s explain what the love languages are;

gifts    Receiving gifts

This love language is the one where you enjoy receiving gifts and surprises from your partner, like surprise dinners and flowers. Gifts are a sign of love and caring to you.

Quality time                                                                                               qualitytime.jpg

This love language means that you enjoy to have your partner around, either doing casual things at home or going somewhere together. You’re happy with just having them around you and you are both present in the moment.

services    Acts of service

You appreciate when your partner does something for you or helps you out with something. It could be doing the dishes when you’re in a hurry, driving you somewhere or making you breakfast when you’re sick. Actions speak louder than words.

Physical touch                                                                                         touch.jpg

Touching, caressing, kissing and just being close to your partner is important in this love language. The touch can say a million words even if you both are quiet. You like to hug, sleep close and hold hands.

words.jpg     Words of affirmation

You love to hear your partner talking about their feelings for you, when they tell you they’re proud of you or just something they appreciate about you and your relationship.

There are many tests on the internet that will ask you questions in order to rank these five love languages for you, the love language with the highest score is your number one love language and the only with lowest score is not so important to you. Today I did the test at www.5lovelanguages.com. My results were;

  1. Quality time
  2. Words of affirmation
  3. Physical touch
  4. Acts of service
  5. Receiving gifts

When I did this test a few years back, the only difference was that physical touch was two and words of affirmation number three. When I think about this, it is quite accurate. To me, all of these are important to me except for gifts as you can’t buy my love ( 😉 ).

A relationship requires quality time, fully dedicated quality time, in my opinion. As I tend to be a workaholic, it’s important for me to set aside time to fully focus on my relationship and 0% work.

Words of affirmation has become more important to me since I have realized how it fuels my feelings to know what I mean to my partner. It’s cheeky and cute to spontaneously say something I’m appreciated for. However, if I don’t fully trust the guy I’m with yet, actions are more important than words. True words of affirmation is all I care about.

Physical touch is still super important to me, as I think it’s like a spiritual way of showing love. A gentle touch can carry so much loving energy, and I do this all the time. I’m a super touchy person and I declare my love through touch and caresses more than actual words.

Acts of service is something that will be more and more important in a long term relationship I believe. Helping each other with everyday chores, helping with studies or any team work you do together can strengthen the bond between you on a deeper level.

Gifts are only important to me on birthdays, Christmas and maybe anniversaries. Of course I appreciate an unexpected gift like a flower or a surprise night out, but material things are less important than your quality time, touch and true feelings.

Do you want to know more about how you show and like to receive love? Do a test or two and let me know your results! ❤

Appreciate and Respect the Small Things

 

We often have high expectations on everything; ourselves, our job, our kids, our partners. Please, take a break and appreciate the small but meaningful things in your life. Let us take a look at two perspectives; love and work.

Love

Appreciation, respect and display of affection are some of the key things in a relationship to me. Maybe I’m not the best at this myself, but I strive to always appreciate, respect and show affection to my partner. This also meaning, appreciating the small but meaningful things they do for me. Does your partner often cook you dinner? Does he or she make sure you never go hungry? Do they randomly caress you during the day? Do they drive a long way to see you for a couple hours? Do they offer you help with every day chores? Do they send you a message to remind you that you’re in their thoughts? Appreciate that! What keeps you together will in the end this, and not expensive gifts and dinners out.

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Work

At work it’s more about respecting the small but meaningful things. I have myself taken these details for granted sometimes and that’s why I recommend you not to. An employer loves an employee who respects being on time, being prepared, looking proper, being polite, being willing to co-operate, double checking, giving constructive critique and simply  firing off a smile now and then. It doesn’t always help to be ultra talented but to always be late, coming to the office in your PJ’s and being rude.

Maybe you know this already, or maybe you needed this reminder. Why not tell someone today that you appreciate the small but meaningful things they do for you?

 

 

You’re Spiritually Beautiful

How do you define beauty? That kind of beauty that takes your breath away?
Is it a woman with a large bust or a man with a steel hard body? To me, beauty has a rather abstract definition; a person who is them self, confident and happy. The outer appearance can be beautiful even if it’s not symmetrical and perfectly proportioned as according to the norms. A person who has fairly “normal” face and body can still be incredibly attractive with a passion in their eyes and confidence in themselves. A man or a woman can, by being their true selves and proud of it, glow and attract. Maybe you could call it charm or karisma.
So what I want you to do is to appreciate yourself as you are. Everyone says this! But do you really love yourself fully? When I was a little girl, people kept telling me I was cute and that the boys would run after me. But I was also told I had too dark skin to be Swedish (the only country I had lived in). Now, when I’m older, I’m used to this comment and can explain. I understand that this is the first reaction people have when I tell them I’m Swedish. But when I was little, I felt like that comment was sometimes degrading and I felt like I wasn’t one of them. I wanted to change – I wanted blond hair and greener eyes.
Somehow, I grew up to realize that this is so superficial. To try to fit into a standard or to change because other people think this and that. I know that I’m not the hottest girl on Earth, but why do I have to be? I choose to be myself, to love my own unique outer and inner self. I choose to build a confidence and be proud of who I am. If a man thinks I should change, then bye bye. If a man thinks there are way more attractive women than me, then good for him. Don’t think you’ll find true lasting love by looking perfect. Looks fade. There’s a quote I love that goes;
 “In the end, it’s not the most good looking people you’ll remember, it’s the ones that made you feel the happiest”
Same goes for friends, colleagues, family.
Think about it. What makes you you? What do people love about you? What do YOU love about yourself?

Three things I love about my inner self;

  • My positive outlook on life
  • My faithfulness towards the important people in my life
  • My spirituality

Three things I love about my outer self;

  • My eyes
  • My figure
  • My way of moving

Now it’s your turn. Tell me three things you appreciate about your inner self and three things about your outer self! What makes you beautiful? x

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Don’t be the Suffering Woman behind the Man

There is a quote that you can find all over Instagram, and it’s

“Behind every successful man, there’s a woman”

Many successful men agree to this, and as a successful woman I believe you need a good man too. But then we have these suffering and unhappy women behind some successful men. They give up their dreams to support their man, they are eventually forgotten and less appreciated once they have the ring on their finger and are tied to their man. There are a bunch of movies I’ve seen lately that has made me realize this more and more. Let me give you some examples;

The Walk

The walk is about a French wire walker who is simply obsessed with his dream. Early on in the movie he finds his woman. Throughout this movie, she is by his side all the time even though he barely seems to acknowledge her. He even at some point, accuses her for not believing in him, even though she gave up everything and went to the U.S. with him. Once he has achieved his dream, she eventually decides to leave and find her own dream. Yay to that woman!

The Theory of Everything

This is the movie about Stephan Hawking’s life, a normal young guy who during university finds out that he has a decease that will shorten his live to only 2 years. His girlfriend decides to marry him and take care of him. Despite what his doctors said, he lived longer than 2 years and still lives today. His wife spent so many years taking care of him and their children and in the movie it is clear how she started to feel less appreciated for all the work she did. She stayed 30 years going from a woman in love to an exhausted woman who felt no love from her husband anymore. She eventually divorced him and married a man who really desired to love her.

Jobs

I have already mentioned Steve Jobs behavior in another blog post but I would like to use him as an example again. His first girlfriend who also gave birth to his first child, was a woman who seemed to stand by him when he started Apple and did almost nothing but work. The day she told him she was pregnant, he refused to take any responsibility whatsoever and would throw her out of his house. Not until several years he would allow his daughter to see him.

Legend

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This movie is one of the most recent and is about the gangster brothers of London, the Krays. The first half of the movie is amusing with a lot of humor and loads of romance between Reggie Kray and his girlfriend. She stands by him even through some time in jail and defends him all the time. He treats her like a loving girlfriend should be treated until they get married. That’s when it all falls apart. The more full of himself and obsessed with his gangsterness he gets, the more he forgets to love and cherish his wife, who still stands by his side. It even ends with him beating her up and raping her. Even if this is the 60’s, she decides to leave. But it’s too late. Her life is nothing to her without him. For years she has built a life surrounding him and adapted her to him. Reggie Kray tries to get his wife back but she knows it’s not going to get better. Sadly, she takes the decision to end her life and not until then, he understand what he took for granted and lost.

Yes, I know that these are movies that may or may not cover the whole truth. Yes, I know this is not always the case for the wives of successful men. And yes, all these women made the decision to be with these men. They decided to give up their own lives to stand by their men. But it doesn’t always end well.

I’ve been close to giving up some of my dreams for someone I loved. And sometimes I feel like I do that still. Like I accept things even though I might not like it. I know that we women sometimes act out of love first. But we have to be careful on who we give it to.

So here I make the promise to myself to never ever give up my own individual life and my dreams for anyone. Never will I settle to just be someone’s wife. I promise though, to be a loving and committed partner to a man who respects and supports my dreams as much as I respect and support his. You should always give 100% love and support to your partner but when you notice that you get less than that over and over again, somethings need to change. Don’t be too nice. Don’t be too accepting. Don’t have too high or too low expectations on your relationship but TALK. I know it’s hard to find this balance, but one day you’ll find it.

Darren Hardy; Keeping the Love and Intimacy Alive

I confess! I’m obsessed with the science of love and relationships! If you read my previous blog post you get a pretty good idea on how I view love.

In the latest book I read, The Compound Effect, I picked up something very interesting; what the author, Darren Hardy, does to achieve his goal to deepen the love and intimacy of his marriage. To some, this might sound very stiff and has too much planning in it. In fact, it sounds like that to me too, but I really do think it works in the long run. Perfect for a married couple or a long term relationship.

Here’s what he does; he has designed a weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly schedule;

Every week, Hardy and his wife have a date night on Fridays where they totally disconnect from work. This night continues with a ‘family day’ on Saturday where none of them do any work and just spend time with each other and family. That’s a great way to both go all in on work during the rest of the week and then focus fully on each other and the relationship during Friday night and Saturday.

Every Sunday they also sit down to have something very interesting they call a ‘relationship review’. This might sound not romantic at all and he says this himself in the book but if you actually want a long term relationship or even a marriage to work and stay strong, this could be a very powerful tool. What Hardy and his wife do is that they review how their relationship has been during the week. First the wins and all the things they appreciated especially. Then they rank their relationship on a scale from one to ten (ten being the best) and ask what they could have done to get it to a ten. Here comes the discussion of the less good things, but in a calm way. This could be a tool for those who have a hard time giving constructive critique or receiving critique (guilty!). Just like Hardy writes, they both feel heard after this review and they both know what they need to work on for the next week.

Every month the couple schedule something special and memorable. It could be having a spa-day or a day away somewhere in a city close by. Creating memories is one of the most beautiful things you can do in a relationship, but also one of the healthiest as it boosts and strengthens it. Then you both can look back at all the things you’ve experienced together and smile.

Every quarter the Hardys plan a short get away for two-three days. And every year they also have one longer vacation and their holiday traditions.

I think what Hardy means by all this planning, is that having things for your relationship scheduled is just as important as scheduling everything else you want to succeed in. If you want to have a successful marriage, you have to put in effort. And frankly I really like this yearly-, quarterly-, monthly- and weekly scheduling. In the long run, this is going to make you pay attention to your partner and your relationship regularly and that is very very important.

Summary

Hardy and his wife schedules;

Weekly

  • A date night
  • A family day without work
  • A ‘Relationship Review’

Monthly

  • Something memorable

Quarterly

  • A two-three day get away

Yearly

  • Special vacation
  • Holiday traditions

What do you think about this planning? Would you consider doing it or not?