Becoming Who I Want To Be – The First Month

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One month ago I started a project. A project to go from being lost and unmotivated, to get back to joyful me and from there become the ideal me. On the 16th of May I wrote down my feelings and my goals for the next coming month of this project in a blog post. You can read it here. Now it’s been a month and it’s time to share my progress, thoughts and reflections of my journey. The challenge is to not make this too long. Here we go;

How I felt one month ago

I felt lost. I felt small in a giant world. I felt like I had the answer deep down in me and that my soul was calling for reunion. But I felt like I was on a roller coaster. It was up and down. I felt anxiety and peace. The soul and the ego were fighting over me. I felt lonely, unmotivated, uninspired, unloved, miserabel. I felt like I was far away from family and true friends. I felt like I was on the wrong path in my career. I was stuck.

How I feel now

I feel sooo much more like my old happy self. I feel the joy and love for life again. I’m motivated and excited to work on myself and become my ideal me in a few months. I work every day towards her. It’s still not perfect though. I sleep at the wrong hours and sometimes I’d rather watch Youtube videos that to write. But I’m definitely feeling more peaceful within. I wake up feeling happy and I go to bed with a smile.

What have I done this month?

Week 1 – During the first week I wrote down who the ideal me is and what her habits are. I had weekly goals that were pretty high. But I was still so down. I was so unproductive. I didn’t even achieve half of the goals for the week since I was so unmotivated and lost. I felt emotional pain and anxiety. I cried at some point every day of the week. It was like I knew what I had to do but it was so hard. I felt stuck. That weekend someone told me I had to get a break and took me to Normandie in west of France. I still felt so much in my head, but the nature, the ocean and the feeling of summer made me feel better and more peaceful. I knew in my heart that I was going in the right direction. But it was tough.

Week 2 – The week started in a good mood after the trip. I felt reloaded with energy. I still had quite high goals on myself. I planned many friend dates – girl nights in, clubbing, dinners etc. I felt ok, but it was still a bit of a roller coaster. I could feel happy and then much less happy after an hour. I wasn’t productive enough to achieve my weekly goals and I realized that I needed more time for myself next week.

Week 3 – I planned to have more me-time this week but because of various reasons, I couldn’t be by myself as much as I had hoped to. The first two days of the week I still felt this ball of anxiety in my stomach. I felt helpless. I woke up every morning feeling empty. On the Tuesday I thought about one of my options and thought about it seriously for a while. The same afternoon, I discussed this with my mother and the more we talked about it, the more it felt right. I made a decision – to go home in July. I understood that Paris can’t give me what I need right now. Stockholm can. Ones I made the decision, I felt liberated. I felt less anxious. The old me was slowly coming back. I slowly became more joyful. I started to visualize the rest of my year; one month of just breathing, reading, family time and meeting up with all my friends. Then update my CV and LinkedIn profile to go all in for my career and find a job that I felt passionate about. I would work there for about a half year and then pack my bags again to go to my next destination. Oh it sounded perfect! And actually, deciding to go home made my love for Paris flourish. I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could.

This week I also became kinder towards myself. My weekly goals were low and focused mainly on taking care of myself spiritually, mentally and physically. I felt like my foundation needed nourishment before building career and relationships. That Saturday we also had the TEDx event and I felt so alive working with the team and in the TEDx spirit. These are the types of things and the types of people I want to work with full time!

Week 4 – I finally started to feel more balanced between me-time and social life. I focused on me the first half of the week and then planned fun stuff for the second half. I felt like I got much more time with myself and that was very needed. I slept better (but the wrong hours; 3 am to 11 pm), meditated more and got more exercise going. I fell in love with Pilates and did several sessions. I was very satisfied with myself – I was being much more productive. I could separate the voice of my soul from the voice of my ego. Instead of feeling lonely, I loved me-time. I even reduced my usage of Facebook and spent that time on rewriting my vision, creating a “meditation spot” and writing. The only negative aspects were my crazy sleeping hours, my unbalanced diet (sometimes no breakfast, not much protein, not much vegetables and fruits) and that every day, the first one or two hours I would feel a bit down. But it would turn as my positivity kicked in and I would feel really good for the rest of the day. But I think clearer. I know what I want and what I need. I feel like myself again. I’m excited.

Week 5 – This week I’m still not getting up as early as I would like to because I fall asleep so late. But I am seeing more consistency in other habits! I’m eating more balanced. I am drinking many more glasses of water every day. I work out 3-4 times a week. I subconsciously take up my notebook and read through my weekly and daily goals several times a day. Even my mental habits are healthier (not judging, hating, more understanding etc.)! I’m also craving work. So this week I started to slowly do some more work and I even got a new client. I’m balanced between me-time, work and social life. I’m excited about going home to Sweden but I’m also excited to see and experience as much as I can of Paris ❤

Did I reach my goals?

In the previous post about this journey I had a few goals for the coming month.

  • Improved some of my habits, at least one should be consistent
    • ✓ At least two are very consistent; weekly/daily goals and my water intake.
  • See a change in myself, physically, mentally and spiritually
    • ✓ I’m already seeing results from the Pilates, I’m having a more loving and understanding thinking and I’m feeling closer to my soul.
  • Improved in achieving my weekly goals
    • ✓ I went from achieving less than half to achieving at least two thirds!
  • Improved my time management
    • ✓ My time management is definitely better; Mon – Fri me-time and work, Fri-Sun friends and fun stuff!
  • Improved my social life
    • ✓ I’ve seen a lot of friends and strengthened my relationships over the last few weeks. I’m just sad over leaving them! 😦
  • Gotten closer to my career goals
    • ✓ Yes, slightly closer as I have focused more on my well-being than my career this month, but the Happy Careerista brand is getting stronger and I did get some work done (and a new client) for my freelance biz.
  • Feel happier than I did this month – wake up with happiness, gratitude and love in me
    • ✓ 100% happier and feeling so much more like myself again!

So I nailed all the goals! Woo!

Next month I want to

  • Have two more habits consistent (consistent sleeping schedule should be one of them)
  • Feel even more evolved physically, mentally and spiritually
  • Have seen as much as I can of Paris (been up in the Eiffel Tower, exhibitions, been inside Sacré Coeur, gone Versailles etc.)
  • Have an idea of what I want to do when I get home and have some sort of plan
  • Make Happy Careerista even stronger!
  • Happily fly home to Stockholm ❤

If you managed to get through the whole text – thank you for coming by! Another update will be coming July 4th. Meanwhile;

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One thought on “Becoming Who I Want To Be – The First Month

  1. Pingback: Becoming Who I Want To Be – The Second Month | Happy Careerista

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